[making money you can't spend ain't what bein' dead's about]

i watched football and drank beer and texted a. about crazy truckers fans, and then mike cooley made me cry, but what else is new?


it's been more than a year, and he's moved on, and even though i ended it, i called it quits, i keep turning around and finding these scars on my heart and my head and my soul, scars that he left there because i was never good enough or pretty enough or presentable enough. i'm fucking lonely, and i don't trust anybody not to hurt me enough to even try being not lonely.

i'm trying to change my life, and i can't figure out how to do that when i can't stop being angry that he could tell me he loved me and that i wasn't good enough in the same breath.

i don't know how to move on from something i wanted to be over, and that sucks the hardest. i keep falling in love with men i can't have because it's safer than actually putting my heart on the line.